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Friday, 14 September 2012
Friday, 31 August 2012
Anxiety #17
I've always been a big big worrier. I worry about everything - school, family, friends, life, so it only makes sense that I'm worrying about university.
It's only a few more weeks until I leave home and I'm currently in emotional limbo, somewhere between excitement and fear. Yes, it had been a massive relief to open my results and get the grades I needed/wanted, but I can't help feeling a little apprehensive and anxious about it all. What if I don't fit in? What if I don't like it there? What if I don't like the people? A lot of what ifs.
University is supposed to be one of the best experiences of your life and I'm sure I'll be fine once I settle in and all, but right now, I'm really quite scared about moving out and becoming my "own person".
I know, I know, I know, I'm 18 now, I'm technically an adult, but all these preparations for uni make me realise just how spoon fed I am and how reliant I am on my parents.
And all the little things build up, things like having my own room for the first time, self-discipline, cooking for myself, but I think the biggest thing is being... Alone?
Me and my sister are really close, we do everything together and we share everything. It's going to be so weird not having someone around to speak to, and since I'm a worrier, I'm kind of dreading not having someone there to cool me down or talk things through with - no one to take my mind off the things that I'm worrying about.
And the only thing that's reassuring is that everyone is in the same boat. Somehow we'll all muddle along together.
Yesterday night we were down the pub and we just so happened to stumble across the subject of uni. One of my best friends is leaving next week and we're all saying how we'll keep in touch and see each other in the holidays, but everyone knows that things won't be the same after we go. I'm questioning how likely it will be that we'll all meet up and even though I'm normally a 'glass half full' person, realistically and inevitably, I think we're all going to drift apart. People change.
I know I'll look back in the future, thinking I was so stupid to worry about going to uni, but I think I've become a bit disillusioned about it all.
Are people really that easy to forget?
It's only a few more weeks until I leave home and I'm currently in emotional limbo, somewhere between excitement and fear. Yes, it had been a massive relief to open my results and get the grades I needed/wanted, but I can't help feeling a little apprehensive and anxious about it all. What if I don't fit in? What if I don't like it there? What if I don't like the people? A lot of what ifs.
University is supposed to be one of the best experiences of your life and I'm sure I'll be fine once I settle in and all, but right now, I'm really quite scared about moving out and becoming my "own person".
I know, I know, I know, I'm 18 now, I'm technically an adult, but all these preparations for uni make me realise just how spoon fed I am and how reliant I am on my parents.
And all the little things build up, things like having my own room for the first time, self-discipline, cooking for myself, but I think the biggest thing is being... Alone?
Me and my sister are really close, we do everything together and we share everything. It's going to be so weird not having someone around to speak to, and since I'm a worrier, I'm kind of dreading not having someone there to cool me down or talk things through with - no one to take my mind off the things that I'm worrying about.
And the only thing that's reassuring is that everyone is in the same boat. Somehow we'll all muddle along together.
Yesterday night we were down the pub and we just so happened to stumble across the subject of uni. One of my best friends is leaving next week and we're all saying how we'll keep in touch and see each other in the holidays, but everyone knows that things won't be the same after we go. I'm questioning how likely it will be that we'll all meet up and even though I'm normally a 'glass half full' person, realistically and inevitably, I think we're all going to drift apart. People change.
I know I'll look back in the future, thinking I was so stupid to worry about going to uni, but I think I've become a bit disillusioned about it all.
Are people really that easy to forget?
Saturday, 18 August 2012
Parrtyyyy #16
Last night I went to a friend's party, and even though it was a birthday party, it was kinda like a "goodbye I might not see you in a while" party.
Call me a part pooper but I didn't drink too much. I have to work this weekend waawaaa. It was fine, a few people didn't drink anyway since they were either working the next day or driving home.
So anyway, I hope my friends learnt a valuable lesson from last night - NEVER EVER play ring of fire.
Some of my friends/idiots decided it would be so much fun to play and voila - chaos ensues.
What's worse is that they added the craziest of rules, like spitting in to the middle cup and stripping and mouth to mouth drink transfer.
One of the guys stripped right down and only had a cushion to cover his modesty. Shame I had no pictures, I'm sure he'd love it if they were on facebook.
Turns out he soiled the cushion anyway, there were telltale white marks after which was so gross - the hostess was retching hahaha.
Ring of fire rules - just in case you wanted to play, prep your liver and stomach first though!
Don't get me wrong, drinking games can be fun but this was villlleeee, I nearly barfed watching the mouth to mouth drink passing, one guy almost chundered into someone else's mouth.
Let's just say they are more fun to watch than play.
Now that all my friends have got their places/jobs sorted, it's only a matter of time before we actually leave. Someone's holding a final goodbye party at the end of the month, so it's not goodbye quite yet.
Everyone's saying that they'll come visit eachother, but is it bad of me to say that I kind of don't want to travel to see anyone?
I'm miles away from everyone else, people are up in Edinburgh and Lancaster, Loughborough, Nottingham and Cambridge - I don't really fancy travelling halfway across the country to spend what... a day with them? I reckon they're being a bit too optomistic. Besides we'll see eachother when we get home for Christmas and what not.
Even if I am reluctant to go see them when term starts, I will miss them but uni's kind of like another chapter (sorry so the cliche book-life comparison) that I can't wait to write.
I can't believe that a year ago was as results day and the rest of the holiday was spent writing that freaking personal statement. It's so crazy that it's all kind of... happening for me?! whhaaat I'm a med fresher.
Call me a part pooper but I didn't drink too much. I have to work this weekend waawaaa. It was fine, a few people didn't drink anyway since they were either working the next day or driving home.
So anyway, I hope my friends learnt a valuable lesson from last night - NEVER EVER play ring of fire.
Some of my friends/idiots decided it would be so much fun to play and voila - chaos ensues.
What's worse is that they added the craziest of rules, like spitting in to the middle cup and stripping and mouth to mouth drink transfer.
One of the guys stripped right down and only had a cushion to cover his modesty. Shame I had no pictures, I'm sure he'd love it if they were on facebook.
Turns out he soiled the cushion anyway, there were telltale white marks after which was so gross - the hostess was retching hahaha.
Ring of fire rules - just in case you wanted to play, prep your liver and stomach first though!
Don't get me wrong, drinking games can be fun but this was villlleeee, I nearly barfed watching the mouth to mouth drink passing, one guy almost chundered into someone else's mouth.
Let's just say they are more fun to watch than play.
Now that all my friends have got their places/jobs sorted, it's only a matter of time before we actually leave. Someone's holding a final goodbye party at the end of the month, so it's not goodbye quite yet.
Everyone's saying that they'll come visit eachother, but is it bad of me to say that I kind of don't want to travel to see anyone?
I'm miles away from everyone else, people are up in Edinburgh and Lancaster, Loughborough, Nottingham and Cambridge - I don't really fancy travelling halfway across the country to spend what... a day with them? I reckon they're being a bit too optomistic. Besides we'll see eachother when we get home for Christmas and what not.
Even if I am reluctant to go see them when term starts, I will miss them but uni's kind of like another chapter (sorry so the cliche book-life comparison) that I can't wait to write.
I can't believe that a year ago was as results day and the rest of the holiday was spent writing that freaking personal statement. It's so crazy that it's all kind of... happening for me?! whhaaat I'm a med fresher.
Friday, 17 August 2012
Aftermath #15
Now that everything has started to sink in, I can actually get my head around everything that's happened in the last 24 hours.
Being the the crazy person I am, I was on UCAS Track at 7.40am, trying to see whether I had got in or not. I can't even begin to explain the relief when it said unconditional. Now all I had to do was to see what I actually got. I only needed 2A grades in biology and chemistry because I did my maths a year early.
9.00am, school opened. I saw my friends with their results, all smiles so I knew they were fine and happy.
The lady handing out results went past my name like 4 times until she handed me mine. I didn't even move out of her way because I wanted to see them ststraight away - I couldn't possibly wait any longer.
Booya! 4A*s altogether! Somehow managed to scrape an A* from biology and religious studies even though the exams were shit.
Now it's all materialising, I have to start packing soon. Less than a month to go!??
I didn't go out yesterday but am definitely going out tonight. it's going to be a messy weekend!!!
Being the the crazy person I am, I was on UCAS Track at 7.40am, trying to see whether I had got in or not. I can't even begin to explain the relief when it said unconditional. Now all I had to do was to see what I actually got. I only needed 2A grades in biology and chemistry because I did my maths a year early.
9.00am, school opened. I saw my friends with their results, all smiles so I knew they were fine and happy.
The lady handing out results went past my name like 4 times until she handed me mine. I didn't even move out of her way because I wanted to see them ststraight away - I couldn't possibly wait any longer.
Booya! 4A*s altogether! Somehow managed to scrape an A* from biology and religious studies even though the exams were shit.
Now it's all materialising, I have to start packing soon. Less than a month to go!??
I didn't go out yesterday but am definitely going out tonight. it's going to be a messy weekend!!!
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