I've always been a big big worrier. I worry about everything - school, family, friends, life, so it only makes sense that I'm worrying about university.
It's only a few more weeks until I leave home and I'm currently in emotional limbo, somewhere between excitement and fear. Yes, it had been a massive relief to open my results and get the grades I needed/wanted, but I can't help feeling a little apprehensive and anxious about it all. What if I don't fit in? What if I don't like it there? What if I don't like the people? A lot of what ifs.
University is supposed to be one of the best experiences of your life and I'm sure I'll be fine once I settle in and all, but right now, I'm really quite scared about moving out and becoming my "own person".
I know, I know, I know, I'm 18 now, I'm technically an adult, but all these preparations for uni make me realise just how spoon fed I am and how reliant I am on my parents.
And all the little things build up, things like having my own room for the first time, self-discipline, cooking for myself, but I think the biggest thing is being... Alone?
Me and my sister are really close, we do everything together and we share everything. It's going to be so weird not having someone around to speak to, and since I'm a worrier, I'm kind of dreading not having someone there to cool me down or talk things through with - no one to take my mind off the things that I'm worrying about.
And the only thing that's reassuring is that everyone is in the same boat. Somehow we'll all muddle along together.
Yesterday night we were down the pub and we just so happened to stumble across the subject of uni. One of my best friends is leaving next week and we're all saying how we'll keep in touch and see each other in the holidays, but everyone knows that things won't be the same after we go. I'm questioning how likely it will be that we'll all meet up and even though I'm normally a 'glass half full' person, realistically and inevitably, I think we're all going to drift apart. People change.
I know I'll look back in the future, thinking I was so stupid to worry about going to uni, but I think I've become a bit disillusioned about it all.
Are people really that easy to forget?
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Friday, 31 August 2012
Sunday, 5 August 2012
I'm a Bad Friend #13
One of my best friends' birthday is in the coming weeks and I have already bought her the present she wanted - Bossypants by Tina Fey. It's been sitting on my shelf for a while waiting to be wrapped, but I couldn't resist reading the first chapter. Then the next chapter and the next.
Before I knew it, I had read the whole book. I even made sure not to open the pages too wide to stop the spine getting damaged. Sneaky sneaky.
I mean last Christmas, she asked for Ellen Degeneres' book and I must admit I did flick over a few pages but I never read the whole thing... Am I a bad person? Probably, but hey, it did no one any harm and besides, it's hardly my fault if she asks for such good books.
It's also my sister's birthday soon and at her request, I've bought her a load of DVDs which probably isn't the best idea. We have unopened DVDs from over a year ago that are dying to be watched but it seems like neither of us are even in the mood to watch them.
Olympics wise, last night was awesome - Super Saturday indeed, 3 golds just in the Athletics!
Shame about the mens and womens football teams though, I really thought there would be medals.
Before I knew it, I had read the whole book. I even made sure not to open the pages too wide to stop the spine getting damaged. Sneaky sneaky.
I mean last Christmas, she asked for Ellen Degeneres' book and I must admit I did flick over a few pages but I never read the whole thing... Am I a bad person? Probably, but hey, it did no one any harm and besides, it's hardly my fault if she asks for such good books.
It's also my sister's birthday soon and at her request, I've bought her a load of DVDs which probably isn't the best idea. We have unopened DVDs from over a year ago that are dying to be watched but it seems like neither of us are even in the mood to watch them.
Olympics wise, last night was awesome - Super Saturday indeed, 3 golds just in the Athletics!
Shame about the mens and womens football teams though, I really thought there would be medals.
Sunday, 24 June 2012
Parents - We Love To Hate Them #6
The last week has been pretty shit to say the least.
I was supposed to be going on holiday today and from my stupid lack of judgement, I am stuck at home writing this blog post instead of being by the beach in this lovely weather.
I had planned to get a lift there with one of my friends, who just so happens to drive a massive tank of a car - a Land Rover. Fairly safe if we got into an accident.
I never told my parents about this arrangement - they had assumed we were going to catch the public transport down to Cornwall, I just never corrected them and I didn't intend to because I knew that they would stop me going if I did.
That stupid, awful, guilty feeling hit me and I just had to tell them the truth and what I had predicted to happen did happen - they stopped me from going by giving me a lecture on young drivers.
Yes, statistically, accidents happen more in young drivers, but accidents happen to experienced ones too. I'm not the sort of girl to deliberately put myself in a dangerous position and my friends are not the type to drive dangerously, in fact if I'm honest, we're pretty square compared to the social ideas of what a teenager is.
I wish I had never told them. I am still so angry about their decision to stop me. Next time, I won't make the same mistake and I know they will not and cannot stop me.
My exam revision was pretty messed up afterwards and I just couldn't focus. The exam was for me, pretty awful - I couldn't even concentrate on answering the questions, let alone writing the essay at the end. What's even worse is that most of my classmates thought it was a nice paper... Medicine seems even further away from me now.
I'm still pretty bitter about the last few days. What's even worse is that my mother said something to me that made me so unbelievably mad - "you can't have both things, you have to choose one."
I didn't even have a choice of two things, I had one thing. The holiday, and I didn't even get to choose that.
They've been trying to make it up to me, in a weird round about way.
They let me go and see a film today (Rock of Ages which was pretty crap!) as if it will make up for it.
I've also managed to convince them to let me organise something for my 18th birthday (which is Friday) but I cannot think of anything to do for it - everyone will be so buzzed from the holiday.
I would trade all of it just to be on holiday because that's all I keep thinking about.
Why can't my parents understand that I'm not a kid anymore? They can't protect me from everything - when and if I go to uni, they won't be able to dictate what I do and by God, I will definitely be taking advantage of my new freedom.
I was supposed to be going on holiday today and from my stupid lack of judgement, I am stuck at home writing this blog post instead of being by the beach in this lovely weather.
I had planned to get a lift there with one of my friends, who just so happens to drive a massive tank of a car - a Land Rover. Fairly safe if we got into an accident.
I never told my parents about this arrangement - they had assumed we were going to catch the public transport down to Cornwall, I just never corrected them and I didn't intend to because I knew that they would stop me going if I did.
That stupid, awful, guilty feeling hit me and I just had to tell them the truth and what I had predicted to happen did happen - they stopped me from going by giving me a lecture on young drivers.
Yes, statistically, accidents happen more in young drivers, but accidents happen to experienced ones too. I'm not the sort of girl to deliberately put myself in a dangerous position and my friends are not the type to drive dangerously, in fact if I'm honest, we're pretty square compared to the social ideas of what a teenager is.
I wish I had never told them. I am still so angry about their decision to stop me. Next time, I won't make the same mistake and I know they will not and cannot stop me.
My exam revision was pretty messed up afterwards and I just couldn't focus. The exam was for me, pretty awful - I couldn't even concentrate on answering the questions, let alone writing the essay at the end. What's even worse is that most of my classmates thought it was a nice paper... Medicine seems even further away from me now.
I'm still pretty bitter about the last few days. What's even worse is that my mother said something to me that made me so unbelievably mad - "you can't have both things, you have to choose one."
I didn't even have a choice of two things, I had one thing. The holiday, and I didn't even get to choose that.
They've been trying to make it up to me, in a weird round about way.
They let me go and see a film today (Rock of Ages which was pretty crap!) as if it will make up for it.
I've also managed to convince them to let me organise something for my 18th birthday (which is Friday) but I cannot think of anything to do for it - everyone will be so buzzed from the holiday.
I would trade all of it just to be on holiday because that's all I keep thinking about.
Why can't my parents understand that I'm not a kid anymore? They can't protect me from everything - when and if I go to uni, they won't be able to dictate what I do and by God, I will definitely be taking advantage of my new freedom.
Tuesday, 12 June 2012
Asian Food Shopping and Last Minute Cramming #4
Today has been... a productive day. I've spent the last 7 hours doing chemistry papers - I must have done at least 6 papers. So much for being chilled out about the exam - I lied, now I'm worried.
My parents spent the day out going Asian grocery shopping, which I was kind of jealous about. I really love going to the Asian supermarkets because of the weird and wonderful things there that you don't see in your regular Tesco's. Instead of joining them, I thought it'd be best if I kept my head down and practiced for tomorrow's chemistry paper.
When they got home just now, they did bring back some goodies for me and my siblings. I could do with this more often!
I guess I should do some more last minute cramming - nothing like a bit of nucleophilic substitution to stimulate the brain cells, before catching some 90210 and hitting the hay. It's an early start tomorrow morning, can't believe all my exams are at 9am...
All my posts have been about exams - I swear there's more to my life than exams, it's just that when the exam season comes I just get engulfed in all the study work.
Right, time to plug in my headphones and return to the realms of my textbooks.
My parents spent the day out going Asian grocery shopping, which I was kind of jealous about. I really love going to the Asian supermarkets because of the weird and wonderful things there that you don't see in your regular Tesco's. Instead of joining them, I thought it'd be best if I kept my head down and practiced for tomorrow's chemistry paper.
When they got home just now, they did bring back some goodies for me and my siblings. I could do with this more often!
 |
| definitely the best pick-me-up I've had in a while! like all my work in the background? ;) |
All my posts have been about exams - I swear there's more to my life than exams, it's just that when the exam season comes I just get engulfed in all the study work.
Right, time to plug in my headphones and return to the realms of my textbooks.
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