Friday, 31 August 2012

Anxiety #17

I've always been a big big worrier. I worry about everything - school, family, friends, life, so it only makes sense that I'm worrying about university.
It's only a few more weeks until I leave home and I'm currently in emotional limbo, somewhere between excitement and fear. Yes, it had been a massive relief to open my results and get the grades I needed/wanted, but I can't help feeling a little apprehensive and anxious about it all. What if I don't fit in? What if I don't like it there? What if I don't like the people? A lot of what ifs.
University is supposed to be one of the best experiences of your life and I'm sure I'll be fine once I settle in and all, but right now, I'm really quite scared about moving out and becoming my "own person".
I know, I know, I know, I'm 18 now, I'm technically an adult, but all these preparations for uni make me realise just how spoon fed I am and how reliant I am on my parents.
And all the little things build up, things like having my own room for the first time, self-discipline, cooking for myself, but I think the biggest thing is being... Alone?
Me and my sister are really close, we do everything together and we share everything. It's going to be so weird not having someone around to speak to, and since I'm a worrier, I'm kind of dreading not having someone there to cool me down or talk things through with - no one to take my mind off the things that I'm worrying about.
And the only thing that's reassuring is that everyone is in the same boat. Somehow we'll all muddle along together.

Yesterday night we were down the pub and we just so happened to stumble across the subject of uni. One of my best friends is leaving next week and we're all saying how we'll keep in touch and see each other in the holidays, but everyone knows that things won't be the same after we go. I'm questioning how likely it will be that we'll all meet up and even though I'm normally a 'glass half full' person, realistically and inevitably, I think we're all going to drift apart. People change.
I know I'll look back in the future, thinking I was so stupid to worry about going to uni, but I think I've become a bit disillusioned about it all.
Are people really that easy to forget?

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