The last week has been pretty shit to say the least.
I was supposed to be going on holiday today and from my stupid lack of judgement, I am stuck at home writing this blog post instead of being by the beach in this lovely weather.
I had planned to get a lift there with one of my friends, who just so happens to drive a massive tank of a car - a Land Rover. Fairly safe if we got into an accident.
I never told my parents about this arrangement - they had assumed we were going to catch the public transport down to Cornwall, I just never corrected them and I didn't intend to because I knew that they would stop me going if I did.
That stupid, awful, guilty feeling hit me and I just had to tell them the truth and what I had predicted to happen did happen - they stopped me from going by giving me a lecture on young drivers.
Yes, statistically, accidents happen more in young drivers, but accidents happen to experienced ones too. I'm not the sort of girl to deliberately put myself in a dangerous position and my friends are not the type to drive dangerously, in fact if I'm honest, we're pretty square compared to the social ideas of what a teenager is.
I wish I had never told them. I am still so angry about their decision to stop me. Next time, I won't make the same mistake and I know they will not and cannot stop me.
My exam revision was pretty messed up afterwards and I just couldn't focus. The exam was for me, pretty awful - I couldn't even concentrate on answering the questions, let alone writing the essay at the end. What's even worse is that most of my classmates thought it was a nice paper... Medicine seems even further away from me now.
I'm still pretty bitter about the last few days. What's even worse is that my mother said something to me that made me so unbelievably mad - "you can't have both things, you have to choose one."
I didn't even have a choice of two things, I had one thing. The holiday, and I didn't even get to choose that.
They've been trying to make it up to me, in a weird round about way.
They let me go and see a film today (Rock of Ages which was pretty crap!) as if it will make up for it.
I've also managed to convince them to let me organise something for my 18th birthday (which is Friday) but I cannot think of anything to do for it - everyone will be so buzzed from the holiday.
I would trade all of it just to be on holiday because that's all I keep thinking about.
Why can't my parents understand that I'm not a kid anymore? They can't protect me from everything - when and if I go to uni, they won't be able to dictate what I do and by God, I will definitely be taking advantage of my new freedom.